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Mediation |
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Most divorce cases are settled out of court. If
the case goes to court, then a judge makes the
decisions. Even if both spouses object to the
ruling, they will have to return to court to
make changes. This takes time. |
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Through Mediation you can create the best plan
for your family. Mediators are trained to help
couples work out the important issues involved,
separation or divorce: child support, alimony,
division of marital assets, child custody
,visitation schedules, and more. Even if you
have already have commenced a divorce action,
mediation can still be useful in resolving
specific issues so that you and your partner can
arrive at agreements in a faster and less
expensive manner. |
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How does a couple start the process?
Mediation is a process in which a neutral party,
a mediator, works with two parties (sometimes
more if necessary) to help the parties arrive at
a mutually satisfying agreement. I like to begin
by meeting both parties at the same time. Once a
couple has decided to work with me, the three of
us will always meet as a group and all
information will be shared between us. Because
there is only one professional involved and the
process can proceed according to the time frame
of the two parties, Mediation can be less
expensive and time consuming than other methods
of divorce. However, this means that the couple
needs to choose their mediator together so that
each is comfortable with the choice. I sometimes
work with a co-mediator, usually a lawyer, and
in that situation, the couple would needs to
also meet with them. |
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Once the couple has made their decision to hire
me, we begin by reviewing a checklist of all the
issues that typically need to be resolved in a
divorce case and add any additional issues that
are specific to their needs. Having been trained
at the Center for Mediation in Law, my approach
to mediation is an understanding based approach.
The issues often include child support, alimony
and the division of property, but may also
include special needs, for example need to
discuss the custody of a family pet. As each
party presents his/her issues and concerns to
the other party, I try to help them communicate
their concerns so that their partner can
understand their perspective. As a
psychoanalyst, I am trained to help people to
discover what they want and to articulate their
feelings. I teach each party to avoid fixed
positions and to explore all options until the
couple can agree on a solution together. I
always look for the common ground that exists
between two parties. |
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When a couple has reached an agreement on all
the issues, I draw up a Memorandum of Agreement.
At this point, I request that each party have a
lawyer review the agreement. When this review
completed, the document can be transcribed as a
legal document, filed, and the divorce process
is complete. It is widely recognized that
mediation is faster, substantially less
expensive and, with mediation, couples often
leave the marriage as friends (or at least not
as mortal enemies) creating a much better
situation for their children as well as for
themselves. |
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Can any couple work with a Mediator?
As long as each party is able to speak up,
openly and honestly, for their own interests,
and can sit in the same room as their partner,
and they are both committed to the process, they
can mediate. I have found that in most
situations there is some degree of animosity
between divorcing parties and mediators are
trained to teach couples how to negotiate
disagreements. However, even in situations, when
someone is not able to easily speak for
him/herself, you can arrange to have a family
member or friend to help discuss the issues and
interests and to provide support. |
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The Use of Consultants for
Financial and Child
Custody Issues
When necessary, I encourage a couple to use
outside experts to work with them on specific
issues. I recommend a consultation with a
financial planner or a child specialist when
calculating child support/alimony over time and
custody/visitation issues. In mediation, a
couple has the advantage of sharing the expense
of and information from these advisors. |
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